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Missing Adult Children
What to do if your child is missing.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!!!
...This is very important...
You are the vital link to your child. You are the one who can
motivate others to look for your child. You must take care of
yourself so you can have the strength to search for your child.
Please... eat well, sleep, keep in contact with family and friends,
find a way to relax and exercise. Don't feel guilty about doing
any of these things. You need to hold on to your sanity and stay
healthy and strong for the day your child returns home.
As a part of the National
Center for Missing and Exploited Children, Team HOPE helps
families of missing children under the age of 18. With the
passage of Suzanne's Law in May of 2003, Team HOPE is able
to work with families whose missing children are 18, 19, and 20 years of age when their law enforcement agency requests the
assistance of the National Center for Missing and Exploited
Children 1-800-TheLost.
These pages are filled with many suggestions for
the search for your child. Since each case is different, some
of the information may not apply to your situation.
Contact local law enforcement
Some law enforcement agencies are reluctant
to take a report of a missing adult. Stress that you are not
trying to
control
your child’s life but that YOU ARE TRULY CONCERNED FOR
HIS OR HER SAFETY.
- Write down the name of the officer who
takes the report as well as the badge number, telephone number
and the police report number.
-
Find out from the officer who will follow up on the initial
investigation.
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Keep a notebook and record all information on the investigation.
- Be sure to ask if your child is entered
into NCIC (National Crime Information Computer). The child
must be entered here
or other law enforcement agencies won’t know that
your child has been reported as missing if the child
is picked up
or a check has been run on them for something else. (It
is suggested that you view a read-out of the NCIC report.
Sometimes
information, such as height and/or eye color, may have
been entered with the wrong data. This viewing gives
you a chance
to correct what might have been entered erroneously.)
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Make fingerprint and dental records available to the police.
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If there are medical or emotional concerns, make sure they
are clearly stated when filing the report.
-
If a vehicle is involved, make sure the license is also entered
into NCIC
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Most often with adult missing, the families do the majority
of the searching.
- Sometimes, there is a desire to cancel
a bankcard or credit card. It might be smarter to have law
enforcement “flag” these
cards so that if used, they will be notified,
and might lead you to a paper trail of your
loved one or someone who knows
where your loved one is.
GET HELP FROM FRIENDS, FAMILY and TEAM HOPE
People want to help but they often don't know what to do. Give
them tasks – don’t wait for them to ask. They
can help with phone calls, completing forms, mailing flyers,
reaching out to the media, making certain you take care of
yourself, etc. Contact Team HOPE for emotional support,
empowerment, resources and assistance.
GET FRIENDS AND RELATIVES
TO HELP WITH YOUR OTHER CHILDREN DURING THIS CRISIS. Your other children
might be in their teens and
they are experiencing the same traumatic event that you are.
They may feel powerless to do anything constructive. Friends
and relatives may be better able to assign them tasks so they
can feel useful and helpful during the search. Watch them carefully
for signs of trouble as teens have a greater tendency to internalize
their feelings.
CRIME VICTIM SERVICES—NATIONAL
and STATE
The National Victim Center assists victims of crime by educating
them about how the criminal justice system works, and providing
information about grief and the healing process. They also
have information on Crime Victim Services available in each
state.
Tel: 703-276-2880
"After the verb 'to Love,'
'to Help' is the most beautiful verb in the world."
Bertha von Suttner
There are so many challenges with missing
adults. Most often searching families are told by police that
adults have the right to “be gone” or to “not
be found.” We know our loved ones and we become the link
between them and police.
- Collect personal items of your child’s. Collect
some articles of unwashed clothing. Put his/her toothbrush
and/or comb or hairbrush in a brown paper bag. Check with the
police before you do this. Some states have enacted laws that
require police do this collection from all reported missing
person, regardless of age of the missing.
- Phone log
- Keep a telephone log
- Something as simple as a spiral notebook
- Write down all the calls made and
received
- Whom you talk to
- The agency name
- The persons name and the phone number
- Note the date and time and a few notes
about what you discussed
- It is so easy to forget the agencies
and people you’ve talked to and who said what. The
notebook will keep you organized and help alleviate some
stress.
- Flyers
- Collect recent photos of your child
to be used to make flyers. Full frontal photos are more
desirable.
- Keep track of any original photographs
of your child and put them in a safe easily accessible place
in your home. Have at least 20 copies of each pose made.
If you do not have the negatives, copies can be made from
the photographs in your possession.
- Missing adult children organizations
listed on the resource page will make flyers for you. However,
you are able to make a flyer yourself at the following website:
www.beyondmissing.com
- Flyers do help. It’s helpful
to use a candid natural photo rather than a posed shot.
This will assist people in recognizing your loved one. Make
certain that these flyers are posted in the types of areas
and retail establishments that your loved one would frequent.
If, when requesting a flyer be posted in a retail establishment,
the proprietor tells you they won’t post it, request
that they put it in the back for the employees to view.
- It might be helpful to add a handwritten
message on the flyer directed toward your loved one, i.e.,
“Please call home, we miss you!” or “We
need to know that you are okay.”
- Provide bus stations with a flyer or
picture of your child. Bus stations don’t usually
keep track of the names of people on busses but employees
may recognize a picture or a description.
- For more ideas on where to distribute
flyers call Team HOPE and speak with a volunteer.
- Telephone
- Be sure to use an answering machine
so you won’t miss a call if your child tries to reach
you. Leave an outgoing message on the answering machine
for your child in case they call when you are not home.
It is important to try and reach out to your child so they
can come home without repercussions.
- Get “call waiting” on your
phone if you don’t already have it. It allows you
to answer any call that comes in so your line is always
open.
- Utilize “last call return”
if available in your area for hang up calls – press
*69 or the established code for your area. Contact your
phone company to find out if there is a better way to track
calls in your area.
INTERACTION WITH LAW ENFORCEMENT
*Work as
a team. Try to establish a teamwork approach with law
enforcement. They need you as part of the team. Cooperation
with them is essential. You can also expect law enforcement
to ask some hard and difficult questions. DO NOT TAKE THIS
PERSONALLY. Remember; keep focused on your goal of getting your child back.
*Law enforcement contact person. Establish
or have law enforcement establish a contact person (one person)
within your local law
enforcement agency so you are consistently and accurately informed
of on-going developments in your case. *Ask for more help. Ask the FBI and/or
your state crime bureau to assist in the investigation. Call
the Governor
of your State if need be to ask him/her for a show of support
for your cause. Your Governor could also call in the National
Guard to conduct
a ground search. *Media Although TV seldom features
missing adults, it is sometimes possible to find a sympathetic
columnist with a newspaper who will cover
the story and print a photo. It’s very difficult being
rejected when reaching out for help. However, there’s always
a chance that someone will help. Keep trying. If it becomes emotionally
painful, reach out to Team HOPE, family and friends. *Contact all local media. Police
may have to initiate the request, but you or your spokesperson
will be responsible for maintaining
contact and keeping attention focused on the abduction story.
Set up a phone listing of these local media sources so that
they are readily accessible to you. Team HOPE can help. * Website links to media.
*Develop a press kit. Write out the information (circumstances
surrounding the abduction and description of your child) you
want disclosed. Verify the information with law enforcement and
make enough copies for the media. Often times this is called
a “Media Kit.” Be certain that your child’s
photo is included. A local media person may be helpful in pulling
this together.
*Stick to the facts. Keep the reporters
to the facts. Don’t
be swayed by leading questions. Disregard their speculation or
unfounded rumors. You will carry more credibility if you simply
stick to the facts. Focus on the family, your child, the volunteer
effort and the emotional issues involved. Report to reporters’ superiors
if they are not reporting accurately. Being open to the media
is a big part of getting “everyone else” to know
about your child. STAY POSITIVE.
AWARENESS EVENTS
Media attention will generate leads. Volunteers can organize
many events that will keep the story in the hearts and minds
of the public.
- Organize students who will distribute posters and flyers.
- Appearances on radio or television talk shows by parents (radio
can be done in-studio by telephone, live or taped.)
- Radio stations all across the state can
be asked to play your child’s favorite song or a song selected by parents, e.g., “Somewhere
Out There” from “An American Tale” and have
the song dedicated to the child.
- Hold a rally at the child’s school
with music and prayers.
- Organize a benefit dance and/or auction.
- Contact area sports teams to include photos and story in their
programs and possibly have a P.A. announcement made at games.
- Produce buttons or T-shirts with your
child’s name.
- Dedication of a garden or a tree to the child.
- Hold a candlelight vigil indoors or outdoors.
- Bowling tournaments, marathons, etc. dedicated to your child.
- Contact banks or local businesses to dedicate a Christmas tree/lights
to the child.
- Contact radio stations offering to do a telephone interview
to remind people to keep watching and looking for the child.
- Have classmates do a letter writing campaign, writing to friends
and families across the country telling about the missing child.
- Organize a human chain linking communities school to school,
house to church, etc. Radio stations can help organize the
crowd. Ask sports celebrities to participate.
- Public Service Announcements and appeals for help on radio
and television.
- Mass release of helium filled balloons
imprinted with child’s
name, or with information about the missing child inside.
STAY AWAY FROM NEGATIVE PEOPLE
The continuing search
-
Keep hope in your heart.
- Seek long-term support from Team HOPE, family and friends.
- Avoid negative forces.
- Continue to keep a journal.
- Stay in touch with authorities.
- Nurture law enforcement and media relationships.
- Take care of yourself
- Last but not least, remain calm and avoid negative people.
EVERY DAY IS A ROLLER COASTER
Each day is a struggle. A great deal of the
time you won't get the cooperation you want. You will get frustrated
because
the
search for your child doesn’t seem nearly as important
to others as it is to you. Sightings and leads frequently prove
to be dead ends. When you feel like you are at the end of your
rope, step back, take a walk, reach out, call a friend or relative,
refresh yourself, call to speak with a Team HOPE volunteer.
Please remember – today you are one day closer to recovering
your child.
We realize that this
is very overwhelming for you. We know. We’ve
gone through this agonizing process. Please call us toll
free at 1-866-305-HOPE. You will be matched to a volunteer who
will
help you through this process and give you more suggestions
on what to do when your child is missing. Special thanks to Susan Wilmer, a Team HOPE volunteer, for
helping with this page. Susan has been a Team HOPE volunteer
since October 1999. Susan’s daughter, Jennifer, is missing,
please view her flyer… http://www.nmco.org/gallery/ma/wilmer.html
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